We have a life filled with choices. There are many little choices every single day. And in our lives there are some big choices. It is a series of decisions we make that create our life. Depending on the choices, we must live with the results. Some decisions will change our lives forever. While we cannot control the world, we can control our world.
I never felt like I really had any choices. I allowed my circumstances and my obligations to choose for me. I did not realize until writing this piece, not making a choice is actually passively making a choice. Which created a life that is not truly mine. It also created for me a situation where I felt like a victim. Of course I believe in destiny and I know this journey was the one I was meant to be on. I believe your choices and decisions guide you to your destiny.
But I did not actively choose this life for a long time. For me it has always been easier to go with the flow, let life just happen, and let others make my decisions for me. I spent so long having no personal responsibility for myself or my life, and look where that got me. 35, divorced, two kids and starting over.
And then one day, I stopped all that. I had to make what felt like a million decisions. Stay unhappily married, or divorce? Stay in Connecticut or move? Move where? Full custody or 50/50 custody? Rent or buy a house? Private or public school? Work or stay home? Date or be single? Roommates or no roommates?
Working this new muscle of decision making was uncomfortable, scary, challenging, but also so amazing. I was in control of my life, like it was for the first time ever. Some decisions were 100% the best decision I could have made, and some decisions I need to revisit and change. But those are my mistakes, and life is a growing experience.
The more I know myself, the easier making choices has become. I stop and think am I making this choice out of fear or love. I used to make all my choices out of fear or make no choices at all. Now nearly all my decisions are made out of love; love for myself, my kids, my partner, my community and the world around me.
Trust yourself. Which is easier said then done sometimes. But look at who I was able to become when I did, the suburban goddess mom.