Everyone is buzzing about the Netflix series, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.” While watching the series, I kept thinking how I need to “tidy up” myself on the inside, not my home (although my home could use a little Marie Kondo inspiration and magic).
I do not need to carry my story of loss, trauma, and abuse on my back forever. It is my history, not my present or future. It will always be intertwined in the fabric of my life, a part of my story.
It is time to pack up the things that do not serve me but weigh me down, and release them into the universe. Knowing what to cut out or release takes introspection and wisdom. Being able to be clear and strong enough to make this cut when it is time takes support and courage. Together, this creates an environment of simplicity. I want more than anything a life of simplicity, filled with peace, safety, and pleasure.
I want to fill my mind, body, and soul with only the things that maximize my enjoyment, so I need to take a look at what is truly important for my life. For me that list includes positive and growing experiences with my kids, partnership with Chris, deep understanding and connection with myself, fun and real relationships with my friends, and service and compassion to the community around me.
I want change. There once was a daunting mountain of things to go through, but I have been working on each issue—talking about it, dealing with my feelings around it, and releasing it. The incidents still took place, and will always be a part of my story, but they will no longer take up significant room and emotions in my life.
I release you…
- guilt over my brother’s car accident when I was 10
- anger over my father divorcing my mother and leaving my life nearly forever
- anger and confusion from being raped at 13
- sadness, loneliness, and anger from my mothers lung cancer and death (13-24)
- anger and fear from my marriage, including all the abuse, isolation, neglect, and control (25-35)
- sadness and loneliness from disagreements and stopping communication with my brothers (27-present)
- heartache and mixed feelings from the numerous miscarriages (30-35)
- anger and disappointment from the men that came before Chris (35-36)
- disappointment and judgement for friends and family who were not there for me when I needed them (35-36)
Wow! I actually feel a shift inside myself writing this. With this release I am one step closer to my transformation.
I have limited space inside to hold things and I only want to make room for things that serve me well. Things that bring me peace, strength, joy, laughter, and love. I have this amazing opportunity to go forward and not just live in the past. And this suburban goddess mom is going to take every opportunity given to her.