Who am I? The search for my essence, my identity, is fundamental and necessary. What is most deeply true about my inner voice, my deepest heart and my expanding soul. Some say there is no answer to this question, but I believe there are many. But no answer can fully get to the true, core sense of self. Finding yourself is an ongoing process.
I am a mother, partner, ex-wife, sister, friend, cousin, aunt and daughter. I am Jewish, but also extremely spiritual and want to explore other religions deeply. I am an ex teacher, ex baby food company owner, ex housewife, stay at home mom, consistent volunteer and writer. My Facebook bio describes me as a “Mother of two, blogger, tattooed, hot pink haired, explorer and wanderer of the world and self, & free”.
These names are worn like shields, they reveal little of my true nature. The more I yearn to go deeper, to find the place that lies beneath these names. I am more than this list of words. I am a collection of emotions, feelings and sensations. Who I really am is always changing. I have been searching for some unity and purpose within. And this blog is helping me find it.
I think perception plays a huge part in how we view ourselves. There are many perceived versions of me. Who do I think I am? Who do you think I am? Just as God said to Moses in the dessert, “I am who I am.” If you want to live a fulfilling life, you must first know who you are; this takes searching to discover. The answer cannot come when you are stuck in fear, doubt, trauma, or when you are numb or disconnected to your feelings and inner self.
Accepting, loving, and forgiving aids in the discovery of your true self. I spent many years not doing this and my self esteem and self worth suffered. This also affected my relationship with my kids and with people around me. The more I took control of my life, and changed the things that were not working, the more natural all this became. I am perpetually redrawing, reorganizing, rethinking, reconsidering, and reevaluating.
If we are preoccupied with what is missing, what is broken and wrong inside of us and around us. We lose sight of the big picture. We are more. We are ever changing, ever evolving people. I have shed the layers of identity that no longer serve me. I will remain rooted in being, in existing, in operating, in the power of becoming the architect of my world. I am the Suburban Goddess Mom: I look forward to seeing who I become on this journey of personal discovery.